Conspiracy theorists around the world mourn today as one of their most cherished theories, that the US elections are rigged and can only be won by rich white men, is dealt a mortal wound by Barack Obama. Well in excess of the 270 electoral votes needed to become President of the United States of America, Obama has become the first minority leader of the most powerful country in the world.

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10:29 PM: Hello, internet! Some of you may be celebrating Obama’s victory, but not all of us are feeling very happy. Specifically, some of us are terribly unimpressed with California’s proposition 8, which if passed will overturn the right of gay people to marry. I’m queerer than a three-dollar bill so even though I live in Canada this makes me pretty sad. Tonight I’ve been following the results on CNN, which haven’t been good so far (currently 53% in favor with 31% of stations reporting), and quite honestly it makes me want to either drink or cry. And since only one of those things is amusing to other people, I’m asking you to follow me as I drink and report on the status of ballot measure 8.

10:41 PM: Starting up with a rum and coke! I’m a slow typer so it’s only going down the hatch now. No change in the percentage.

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West: “How is Senator Obama not being a Marxist if he intends to spread the wealth around?”
Biden: “Are you joking? Is this a joke?”
West: “No.”
Biden: “Is that a real question?”
West: “That’s a real question.”
Biden: *laughs*

So who exactly is this Barbara West character? Well kids, when she’s not recycling the Hannity/O’Reilly/Limbaugh arsenal of neocon smears on WFTV-9 in Orlando (that storied bastion of political commentary), she’s busy playing wife to Mr. Wade West, a GOP Media Consultant. Shocking!

Of course, WFTV has denied any wrongdoing in the matter, which just reenforces the eight year-old notion that “conflict of interest” doesn’t mean a whole lot in Florida. Hit the jump for the video. [Read more]

First we had Matt Damon (MATT DAMON!) compare Sarah Palin’s presence on the Republican ticket to a really bad Disney movie. I can see that (oh, and so can all you, too). Well played, sir! Top drawer.

However, now John Cleese has thrown down the gauntlet by referring to Palin as a well-trained parrot followed up by the rather keen observation that her rapid ascension is exactly the kind of skit material Monty Python could’ve dreamed up back in the day. And boom goes the dynamite.

Only 11 days left! Do we have time for another challenger? Take your shot now, this could be your last chance. I wouldn’t expect to see SNL’s favourite punching bag stick around in public after the GOP ticket has finished its long downward spiral.

Reaching out to potential new voters (or disenfranchised old ones) is nothing new during any election season, so the Obama ads appearing in Burnout Paradise really aren’t surprising. We’ve seen it all in 2008: Facebook competitions and the retarded obsession with Twitter feeds to name a couple, and the trend certainly dates back to time immemorial. Does the WWE still do that “Smackdown Your Vote” thing every four years?

I suppose that we can’t really fault the candidates for trying something new. That said, I do believe that there are some demographics which are more-or-less unreachable when approached as a whole, and that includes the nebulous indistinct mass of humanity which like to indulge in the videogames.

Therefore, a quick note to all current and future politicians seeking any level of elected office: “gamer” is not a voting block. Forget what you read on the internet, ignore the podcasted ramblings of industry journalists, disregard whatever your organizers and lobbyists are telling you about how X videogame made more money than Y feature film. It’s just very simply never going to happen.

Sorry kids, bit it’s true. Whether it be the “new wave” of casual types (thank you PopCap and Nintendo Wii) or the crusty old hardcores, we electronic entertainment enthusiasts can’t agree on a single goddamned thing. It’s always been like this; the cycle of misguided brand loyalty and downright embarrassing fanboyism just cannot be stopped. Trying to organize gamers towards any kind of common goal which doesn’t involve reaching for another bag of chips is like herding cats.

So please, don’t even try to appeal to us as a group because if Reggie Fils-Aimé, Kaz Hirai, or Wil Wright can’t do it, none of you Washington types stand any better of a chance.