10:29 PM: Hello, internet! Some of you may be celebrating Obama’s victory, but not all of us are feeling very happy. Specifically, some of us are terribly unimpressed with California’s proposition 8, which if passed will overturn the right of gay people to marry. I’m queerer than a three-dollar bill so even though I live in Canada this makes me pretty sad. Tonight I’ve been following the results on CNN, which haven’t been good so far (currently 53% in favor with 31% of stations reporting), and quite honestly it makes me want to either drink or cry. And since only one of those things is amusing to other people, I’m asking you to follow me as I drink and report on the status of ballot measure 8.

10:41 PM: Starting up with a rum and coke! I’m a slow typer so it’s only going down the hatch now. No change in the percentage.

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Here at cf, one of our favorite ways to amuse ourselves is with booze and the crazy things it makes people do. So here’s one from the motherland of vodka:

Vladimir Putin is out on video as a judo master. Russian state-controlled media already have shown the powerful prime minister at the wheel of massive racing truck, shirtless on a fishing excursion, and tracking a tiger through the Siberian forest — just a few of the he-man presentations designed to boost his public image.

On Tuesday, he presented an instructional judo DVD that bears his name and shows him throwing an opponent to the mat.

“Let’s Learn Judo with Vladimir Putin” is the product of collaboration between Putin — a black belt — and other judo enthusiasts, including former World and Olympic judo champion Yasuhiro Yamashita.

Now, considering some other world leaders are trying to soften up their image and prove they’re good ol’ country boys who like bowling and Miller Lite, this seems kind of, well, insane. Which isn’t to say that it doesn’t make sense; with Russia ranking as one of the unhappiest countries worldwide, I’m sure a few people have thought about taking him out to see a play as it were. What better way to discourage this than the Russian Prime Minister himself trying to prove that if you try anything, he’ll kick your ass (or alternatively, that he’s too handsome to kill.) As long as he doesn’t release promotional videos where he claims to be some sort of god I think I can let this one go.

Not unlike last year’s Silent Hill: Origins, the announcement and release of Silent Hill: Homecoming (hereby referred to as SH5 because I’m lazy) has been shrouded in a lot of dread. Not the good kind of dread you got from playing the original game, but the bad kind of dread you get from being very afraid that something you love is going to get reamed.

The news releases all seemed to indicate that it would fix some of the problems fans had with previous entries in the series (clumsy controls, no UFO endings) and still retain what made Silent Hill its own niche (bad voice acting, players pissing themselves.) Regardless, lots of people still complained that they were making it too similar to the movie, or to Silent Hill 2, or that because Silent Hill: Origins wasn’t an A+ game no American developer could do Silent Hill right.

So after a year and some odd of speculation, reviews have been trickling in, and they’re mostly average to positive. But forget that! I’m the one writing this, so this is all about my impressions.

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I’ve got the story for you. Plus if my analysis of our traffic log indicates anything, it’s that what readership we have loves stories about, well, wangs. But if our previous post about homemade cosmetic surgery didn’t make you cross your legs in horror, I’m sure this one will!

A Shelby County man and his wife said two doctors amputated the man’s penis without his consent, and have filed a lawsuit.

According to the lawsuit, Philip Seaton, 61, went to have a circumcision last Octoberas part of treatment for a medical condition. Seaton said when he woke up from the procedure, he realized his penis had been amputated.

The lawsuit states that Patterson received consent to perform a circumcision and only a circumcision, and that Seaton did not consent to his penis being removed.

Kevin George, the plaintiff’s attorney, said Patterson amputated the organ after finding cancer, but he only had consent to remove the foreskin.

Evidently the lead surgeon decided at that point that clearly, this man who was letting him take a knife to his donger would be a-okay with the idea of having the whole damn thing lobbed off, because it’s cancer and penile cancer frequently spreads to the brain and kills men within hours of discovery.

I don’t know about you, gentle reader, but I’m kind of doubting the validity of this whole argument. What do you think? Crazy doctor who enjoys mutilating genitals? Bad case of penis envy, perhaps? Discuss!

So, Canadians, are you sick of all these verbal fuckups and the surrounding coverage they get? No? Then I’m not trying hard enough! Here’s another one from the “sorry I said something incredibly stupid” files…

The Conservatives have issued another apology, this time for comments caught on video Wednesday by an assistant to Transport Minister Lawrence Cannon.

Mr. Cannon was campaigning in Maniwaki, Que., Wednesday when a group of protesters from the divided native community of Barriere Lake showed up to outline their demands.

Mr. Cannon listened to their speech and then left, but his constituency assistant continued an exchange with the lead protester, Norman Matchewan.

“If you behave and you’re sober and there’s no problems and if you don’t do a sit down and whatever, I don’t care,” said Mr. Cannon’s assistant Darlene Lannigan to Mr. Matchewan.

Considering that the blogosphere seems to have latched onto debating whether or not Elizabeth May thinks all Canadians are stupid, I’m surprised this hasn’t gotten much attention. But, come on, isn’t this now the Conservative government’s second or third round of verbal idiocy in recent weeks? Really, the third time someone calls you a horse you buy a saddle and all that. You stay classy, Cons.