Liveblogging: California’s Proposition 8
10:29 PM: Hello, internet! Some of you may be celebrating Obama’s victory, but not all of us are feeling very happy. Specifically, some of us are terribly unimpressed with California’s proposition 8, which if passed will overturn the right of gay people to marry. I’m queerer than a three-dollar bill so even though I live in Canada this makes me pretty sad. Tonight I’ve been following the results on CNN, which haven’t been good so far (currently 53% in favor with 31% of stations reporting), and quite honestly it makes me want to either drink or cry. And since only one of those things is amusing to other people, I’m asking you to follow me as I drink and report on the status of ballot measure 8.
10:41 PM: Starting up with a rum and coke! I’m a slow typer so it’s only going down the hatch now. No change in the percentage.
10:51 PM: Fucking old people. Why do old people always look back to their youth like it was great; their youth had things like fucking Hitler and the great depression. Stop trying to make the rest of us suffer just because you guys had to eat dehydrated meat.
11:02 PM: This isn’t working. I think my liver is crying it out, or maybe sad thetans are soaking the alcohol up instead. Time for rum and coke minus the coke. Is it going to be gross? Sure? Is it necessary? Yes, because we’re still running 53% in favor of.
11:24 PM: I was almost excited because yes dropped a percentage point but so much for that. Trying to chug faster. The fumes are burning my nose but I guess that’s what I get for buying cheap rum! Come on, gay rights, be a little engine. Be the little engine that does, because this is important, shit.
11:30 PM: Back to 52% again. Come on California, give mommy a victory hangover.
11:36 PM: You know, all these YES ON 8 and affiliated jerks always go on about the sanctity of marriage like opposite-sex couples are god’s gift to earth. I’m married to a dude and at my wedding it was hot so my dad wore a shirt with a picture of Captain Kirk on it once the ceremony was over. And I didn’t give a damn because getting married isn’t about fucking just to make babies and those wacky women are from venus, men are from mars scenerios where she wants him to vaccum but he doesn’t know how because his mom always did it and then he went to a frat house for his out-of-state college excursion. Maybe the YES ON 8 people have marriages like that but they should be annuled. I’m going to get fucking rich and put a “no marriages for dumbassed bigots” proposition on the ballot for California’s 2012 election. Oh yeah, the polls, I don’t know, I don’t want to feel the pain.
11:57 PM: The wire tells me that Santa Cruz is big on the gays and only 5% of their stations have reported so maybe they’re opening big boxes of “men kissing, fuck yes” ballots now. I can sure hope so! Also, Fresno county has been counted and they voted 69% yes. Fuck you, Fresno, see if I order your burritos at Taco Bell now.
12:34 AM: Still 52% with 62% reporting. I wish I was drunk and maybe four weeks in the past because I have a brilliant campaign stategy for getting people to vote no: telling them that if homosexuals can’t get married, they’ll start hitting on heterosexual folks at bars. As far as I can tell, to the heterosexual mind, having someone of the same sex flirt with you is potentially the grossest thing ever. Don’t want some bloke fancying your bum? No on 8!
2:25 AM: Still a bit drunk. Still gayer than the ace of spades. Not dead, just involved in a long conversation about battery acid. Currently 52% yes with 84% reporting. Sadly all the stations that haven’t reported in fully are from counties like Imperial who are worried that gay marriage was made mandatory or something. I think barring a miracle we’ve lost this one. Thanks for playing.
Related posts:
