Words that I Can No Longer Use Thanks to the Current Election
I have never been one to suggest that words or phrases should be censored, and there have been some pretty nasty words in the past. Still, this current election with Old Balls and Prince Hope is forcing me to rethink this issue. Should words be banned? Well, they can if they happen to be the following.
Change: Remember when Obama represented something new and somewhat refreshing? Well, it turns out that the word has become McCain’s new slogan as well. For you see, after picking Sarah Palin as his vice presidential nominee, McCain started to mention asinine crap about how he and his partner are the real harbingers of change. Feeling threatened, Obama and Biden started to say that they were the real change candidates and changed (sorry) their campaign slogan from “Change We Can Believe In” to “Change We Need.”
I will make no apologies for supporting Obama. In fact, if one’s idea of “change” is voting for someone who happens to be the oldest candidate in history, eats moose, and can see Russia from their house, I feel that these voters shouldn’t be allowed to vote. However, to be fair, the word “change” is so overused by both parties that it has on occasion forced me into a Hulk-like rage. In fact, if a bum so much as asks me for “spare change,” I don’t know if I will be able to control my emotions.
Reform: Much like “change,” the word “reform” and its various forms have appeared in virtually every Republican stump speech since McCain picked Palin to be his running mate. McCain has used the word constantly to inform his constituents that he has reach across party lines and has worked with Democrats and Independents ever since he was first elected into the Senate. As for Palin, she uses a very similar story and claims that she battled with her party since her days as mayor of Wasilla.
Basically, my newfound hatred of the word stems from the facts that McCain has in fact voted with Bush a whopping 90% of the time and Palin represents everything that I loathe in American politics today. McCain lost to Bush in 2000 and has the right to be angry. However, his credibility goes out the window, in my opinion, because the dude continued to display unprecedented support for Bush even when it came to issues that he was against in his earlier campaign (see abortion and torture). As for Palin, her problems arise from the fact that she fired museum employees under the guise of budget cuts, even though critics point to the fact that the museum “represented that the town was becoming more progressive, and they didn’t want that.” When Palin was governor, she also gave a high school friend the job of director of the State Division of Agriculture. This wouldn’t raise red flags similar to “Brownie, you’re doing a heckuva job” unless the director cited something like, oh, I don’t know, “her childhood love of cows as a qualification for running the roughly $2 million agency.” Thanks to this word, I can no longer say things like Protestant Reformation without throwing something very far. Now how am I supposed to learn about Calvinism?!
Maverick: This word was pretty cool at one point. It was the name of a Mega Man character, the name of a movie with Mel Gibson, and the name of Tom Cruise’s character in the “cool when wasted” 80’s movie known as Top Gun. However, thanks to the McCain-Palin ticket, this word has seen more usage than a ping-pong ball at a Filipino whorehouse. It’s also a word that cannot be taken seriously. By definition, a maverick is an independent non-conformist or rebel. McCain already allied himself with the Republican Party, so that instantly means he isn’t a maverick. Palin beat out an aged Republican and a Democrat to become governor of Alaska. Sarah, that doesn’t mean you are a maverick or a reformer; it simply means that you were elected. Because of the misuse of the word “maverick,” it honestly becomes impossible for Americans to take campaign slogans such as “The Original Mavericks” seriously. In fact, such a slogan sounds like a bad action movie.
Of course, if we go back to the Top Gun reference that means someone in the McCain-Palin ticket has to die. After all, Maverick had Goose. We all know what happened to Goose. If that weren’t a big enough hint for you, here’s another: McCain isn’t Maverick.
“In Alaska…”: There was a period of time when Alaska was going to be the location of my dream home. Of course, I also said that about Nantucket, even though I am not a Kennedy and do not have the money. However, Alaska always seemed like a great place to unwind in. That all changed after Sarah Palin started to use the phrase roughly seven million times in each of her speeches. Although Palin tried to make the phrase sound appealing to Americans everywhere, it actually scared me shitless. Hell, my own sister lives up north and she admits that Alaskans think that they live in a separate country entirely detached from the United States (see Alaska Independence Party). It’s also a state where you can apparently see Russia from your backyard. Suffice it to say, Alaska doesn’t have the appeal that it once did. Call me crazy, but I somehow doubt that a state closer to the Yukon and Santa’s Workshop than the Lower 48 with a total population of 650,000 is more American than say the Thirteen Colonies.
Experience: What was once a word that indicated reverence, respect, authority, and leadership has now become a definition synonymous with double standard. McCain’s original argument was that Obama had little to no experience when it came to politics. Hell, maybe he was right. After all, despite Obama’s career at Harvard as well as his tenure as a state senator in Illinois (Alaska Population: 650,000; Illinois Population: 12,852,548), he is still a junior senator. The obvious choice for McCain was to go out and pick a seasoned veteran on the political stage. So, he picked…Sarah Palin?!
It became very tiring hearing pundits talk about how her two terms as mayor of a town with 6,000-8,000 people and her less than two-year tenure as governor of Alaska somehow made her qualified to become president should McCain croak in office. After all, this was precisely why McCain told supporters not to vote for Obama. What’s even worse is Republicans tried to argue that Obama was inexperienced because his first job before law school was as a community organizer. Since when is being a community organizer a bad thing? Those people, you know, like help out in the community. They train people for careers, keep kids off drugs, and prepare students for college. Furthermore, it’s ironic that they are mocking his community organizing experience when Republicans and Neoconservatives repeatedly claim the importance of faith-based community organizing. However, that’s not the amusing part. What is amusing is that Obama worked for a faith-based community program that catered to Catholics and other denominations. Coincidentally, I’m sure, this attack by the McCain camp has since disappeared from ads.
What hasn’t disappeared, however, are the ridiculous claims that moose-hunting and “being just like us” have seriously become qualifications to become president. Yes, my friends, the time has come when any person truly can be president of the United States. No, that isn’t a good thing.
Well, those are just a few of the words that have pissed me off over the course of the current election. Play along, kids! What words have annoyed you to high heaven?
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Speaking on behalf of Canada, we’ll gladly take Alaska off your hands if you want. It would make the map look so much nicer… and would probably help our case for Arctic sovereignty.
As for words, I think you covered all the bases. I’m just wondering when McCain/Palin will start using Danger Zone as their campaign song.
This appropriation of the language is too common in politics and advertising. Should be illegal. Perfectly good words that no longer mean what they used to mean. Lost their strength. Have become insipid. Basically useless in their new forms.Can we say that Michael Bublé is the cutting edge of the crooning soggy love ballad? Does a butter knife have a cutting edge?
Don’t let’s allow these things to bother us! Take these words and phrases an bolster them!
Think of it like this: A maverick is, of course, a wild stallion. For Palin to be one she would need to be sporting a rather long strap-on.
Or this: Change is no more than a Fresh Start or a New Direction. For me, a fresh tart induces a rather pleasant nude erection.