Robber Turns Victims Home Into Sausage Fest
Authorities say they’ve arrested a man who broke into the home of two California farmworkers, stole money, rubbed one with spices and whacked the other with a sausage before fleeing.
Fresno County sheriff’s Lt. Ian Burrimond says 22-year-old Antonio Vasquez was found hiding in a field wearing only a T-shirt, boxers and socks after the Saturday morning attack.
He says deputies arrested Vasquez after finding a wallet containing his ID in the ransacked house.
The farmworkers told deputies the suspect woke them Saturday morning by rubbing spices on one of them and smacking the other with an 8-inch sausage.
Now, we here at Caffeine Fueled love our insane news, but this is starting to top the insano-meter. Spicy rubs hurt like hell when you get them rubbed into your skin, but I can’t imagine that and an 8-inch long sausage coming across as threatening.
My personal guess? Our burgler friend was high on the marijuana and used his choice of munchies to try and score some more money to buy a hooker, take her to a fancy hotel, and push her out the window. Drugs do maddening things to the body, friends!
5 Comments, Comment or Ping
A.W. Ross
What, no “8-inch sausage” jokes? You’re not above that. Don’t pretend.
Sep 9th, 2008
OneHotChick
I’d love to be awoken by an 8′ sausage!
Sep 10th, 2008
UgottaBkiddingMe
Did the authorities say what kind of sausage it was? It does matter… kielbasa or bratwurst? The meat packing density difference is substantial…lol
Sep 10th, 2008
A.W. Ross
So it’s not length or width which matters, it’s density? Damn. Where’s the pill for that?
Sep 10th, 2008
Michele Ebert
When do I ever make penis jokes? I’m a classy woman, damnit.
Sep 12th, 2008
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