Relax! The Large Hadron Collider Probably Won’t Kill Us All

For those of us who aren’t brain scientists or rocket surgeons (wait… naw, that sounds right) the Large Hadron Collider is a massive particle accelerator do-hickey which has been under construction in Geneva for the last ten years. It’s designed to gently caress and massage the subtle unseen forces of the universe in the hopes of finding/filling holes in our generally accepted theories. Oh my. In five days they’ll turn it on.

This has had some buzzkills out there twitching and squirming. I mean, what if something goes horribly awry? The Large Hadron Collider (or “the LHC” if you wanna be gangsta) plays around with some pretty intense and technical-sounding energies which could conceivably generate artificial singularities big enough to swallow the Earth! At least, that was the fear which spawned a lawsuit earlier this year, the second round of litigation on the matter this decade.

But worry not, citizens! A new report has been released to once again attempt to reassure these folks that the Large Hadron Collider won’t destroy the planet. According to the study, Mother Nature’s own forces are already kicking out stronger energies than anything da’ LHC will be used for. So unless some careless whitecoat accidently reverses the polarity of the neutron flow, we should be fine. (That’s a Doctor Who reference; drink!)

Doomsayers, don’t forget: the world is already scheduled to end on December 21st, 2012. If that appointment is good enough for Smoke Jaguar, it’s good enough for me.

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